You called to say that you miss me

That you constantly think of me

That my smell is still on your skin

That my words you can taste on your tongue

That you wish your countenance with me were different. 

I did not pick up. 

I did not respond. 

I’ve moved on.

Then you text. 

You text in past tense and I ignored your message

As if we never knew the word love

And I had never been hurt by your gaze.

You tried again and couldn’t reach me

You called out for me with a message in a bottle

And a letter under an Eagle’s feet

Yet I did not care to read it or stare at its ink. 

You rang, yet I did not answer. 

Then you asked me why. 

Why?

Why.

Because I remembered.

With every one of your attempts to reach me

I remembered the frustrations that pierced me

Each time I called you, and there was no answer.

I remembered that there was no justification for anything

Anything that you have ever done to make me bleed. 

To set my heart ablaze in the most horrific of ways.

I remembered the tears that I suddenly couldn’t bring to fall.

The pool of water that I often woke up in, 

Trembling from the cold embrace of the rain you left me in—often. 

I remembered emotional rollercoasters that left my stomach in a vomiting knot

And told my head to keep spinning, not allowing for rest or clear thoughts. 

And then I remembered again.  I saw something in my third eye, again. 

It WAS my third eye. 

The eye of 3’s in my life that came to seek me

The one that came to see me and speak to me

Befriend me, console me, help mold me. 

I remembered my eye. 

The one who sees me…

When my eyebrows are out of shape 

And my mouth and soul are slightly out of place

He sees me. 

When anger befalls me and my smile turns sideways

He sees me. 

When I am bothered by worry’s lingering sickness

And cannot seem to put down my burdens

He sees me. 

When I haven’t spoken to The Most High

And I’m feeling less than high on life

The warmth of 3 reminds me of my blessings

Reminds me that what used to be a mess is now my message. 

A message of strength and of God’s unfailing, unwavering Grace. 

Yes, I remembered. 

So, no, I cannot speak. 

We cannot meet. 

We cannot be anymore than a memory that fades. 

A memory that taught us and brought us through the sands of life. 

I remembered. 

My third eye-sight is in my sights and my tunnel vision is ever so clear

Because I remembered…

That I am saved, that I am free, that I am loved, that I am me, 

That you cannot have me…any of me, any piece of my voice on the phone…

Reminiscing of old times, or any piece of my fingers typing you back. 

You can only have what is left of what is written in this piece

To remind you of what I remembered…

-Sarabi