Ari Vee Marie Hobbs,

Your Papa and I are so blessed to have you as our child. Sent to us on loan from God to be nurtured from birth through adulthood into a fully realized woman. This letter is for you. So that you always know my intentions and remember how much I love, respect, and trust you.

For starters, I never thought I was capable of birthing children from my own womb. I just figured I would either adopt the 10 kids I wanted, have surrogates, or some combination of both. I fully planned on being a billionaire by 30 years of age, so, financing this family would have been no issue. Needless to say, your papa and I are not billionaires (yet) and I am perfectly capable of carrying children – PRAISE GOD!

I also never wanted to be married. Yes, you read that correctly. Your mother never wanted to be married. Marriage always appeared to be some miserable institution that kept otherwise free persons in bondage to another human’s tragic baggage forever. I NEVER thought about my wedding day as a child or teenager – as most young girls do. I just assumed I’d have a ton of money with lots of dope kids and we’d change the world.

…And then, your father happened.

He gave me a reason to imagine my wedding day. His quiet strength and pungent sweetness was all that I had ever prayed for. He was a partner. Someone I knew would fill in the gaps for me when I was lacking and vice versa. A man who my soul had always been searching for. And after the best two years of both of our lives, we discovered we were pregnant with you. Shortly thereafter, he proposed to me on June 24, 2018. Your father changed my entire view of relationships, marriage, and partnership.

Before I move on, let me be abundantly clear – proposing in June of 2018 was something papa bear always planned to do. Even before we found out about you. Please don’t think that his proposal was forced because of pregnancy. We were nearly 30 years old – too old to be forcing a marriage. The true love we have, the true love we will show you, is strictly based on God and our love for each other – nothing less.

Mama & Papa Bears’ 1st Photo as an Official Couple

With that said, I want you to know that the advice I’m about to give you is idealistic. As much as I would love to say we will unwaveringly hold true to these things and that you will be the perfect daughter as a result of your upbringing, I would be foolish to think or even utter such things. People change and grow. But what I do want you to know is that everything we say, think, or do towards you has been and will be in your best interest. And, in all honesty, I just want The Most High to guide us in raising an adventurous, aggressive, innovative leader and spiritual young woman who understands the value of laughter and dancing around the house with her parents.

Now, on to the good stuff…

Papa Bear:

1) He loves the Lord. He never misses a moment to pray. He’s also getting better at his Bible studies and will be able to help you navigate the good book someday.

2) Though he is an EXCELLENT chef, your papa cooks like two turtles competing for slowest world champion. Grab an apple, banana, berries, or walnuts and don’t complain.

3) He is forgetful. Not because he doesn’t care or because he isn’t listening. Forgetfulness simply runs in his family. You’ll have to remind him of most things. Don’t take it personal.

4) Your papa loves you and me BEYOND belief. He will ALWAYS show and profess it.

5) Papa loves football.

6) Papa also loves comradery. So, if you are any sort of introvert like your mama, this may be a challenge sometimes. Just know that he will try to be sensitive to your personality.

7) Papa is the ONLY person we share our French fries with.

Mama Bear:

1) I love the Lord. Though I may read the Bible more than papa, that doesn’t mean I’m more of a saint.

2) I’m a fanatic of cleanliness.

3) I LOVE French fries.

4) I’m an avid reader with a darn good memory. You don’t have to love reading as I do, but you should invest in good books that grow you across all genres.

5) I am COMPELTELY obsessed with papa bear. So, I’m sure you’ll be a daddy’s girl.

6) Music is life and I’d love to share my passion with you someday.

7) I LOVE to write and sometimes I need alone time to do it. Please, don’t take it personal.

Mama & Papa’s Relationship

1) We will do our best to fulfill God’s will through our marriage.

2) Mama & Papa will have regular date nights. We will kiss. So, get your “ewwws” ready.

3) We do NOT use abusive, loud language or gestures and do NOT physical abuse one another in our anger. Let that be something you never forget and practice in your own relationships.

4) We love to cook, travel, and experience new things as a couple and, now, as a family.

Words of Wisdom from Mama to Daughter:

1) To everything there is a season. When you’re ready, I will share with you these things:

a. How to pray

b. How to walk in the highest of heels. It’s an art. And mama LOVES to be glamourous, honey!

c. How to beat your face. I don’t wear makeup daily, but I know how.

d. The birds, the bees and everything in between.

e. My recipes. Not because you’re a woman, but because you must know how to feed yourself.

f. Why we have not shared your face on social media thus far.

g. Freedom. To be completely yourself. WHATEVER that means. And I do mean WHATEVER.

h. All the music that was before your time.

2) I hope you trust mama and papa with your talents and aren’t afraid to share them with us. I also hope that you trust us enough to talk to us about anything – in vulnerability, respect, and truth.

3) It does you absolutely NO good to judge other women for the choices they make. It does you NO good to think you’ll get the guy, the job, or the friend by denouncing other women who don’t behave like you. In my lifetime, I’ve seen “hoes” live their best lives and I’ve seen “good girls” live their best lives. What I’ve NEVER seen are judgmental women, young or old, doing the same. So, let me be clear – we ain’t raising no hater!

4) Be confident! You earned the right to be in every space in which God places you.

5) Do your own work - mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. No one can do it for you.

6) Don’t pay attention to being in a relationship until you have lived the life God has for you.

7) With that, wait until you are financially stable with a suitable partner before having children (Your papa and I are so glad we did J).

8) You will hear more than once, that “I am NOT one of yo lil’ friends”.It’s an old African Proverb and means your papa and I deserve the respect, trust, and honor God intended for you to give us as your parents. We will do everything in our power to hold up our end of the agreement to keep that respect, trust, and honor.

Last but certainly not least, your home, this home that papa and I have built for you, is a safe haven. A place where you are free to be yourself - laugh, dance, sing, tell us your deepest fears, live out your biggest triumphs, lay across my lap while I rub your hair after your first heartbreak, question things you don’t understand. Though we will be strict about certain things (school and discipline mostly), I hope you don’t feel as though you’re coming home to a prison every day. This is your solitude. Cherish it.

That’s all for now, but there will be more. I hope you will learn from mama’s life lessons, but also discover God and this world for yourself. And please know that I am not too prideful to think that you can’t teach me anything. Because, I’m so ready to learn from you.

With the Deepest Love,

Mama

This 'Ish is Personal - Dear A.V. : A Mama's Letter